


Forgotten

by missema



Series: Big Damn Heroes [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1202317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missema/pseuds/missema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katy prompted - Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotten</p><p>This turned out to be more like fear of forgetting oneself under a deluge of traumatic memories and events.  </p><p>Mia Shepard, the longtime love of Zaeed Massani still has trouble dealing with the after effects of war, but luckily Zaeed is there to bring her back when she's in danger of losing herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girlwiththefandomtattoo (tumblr)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=girlwiththefandomtattoo+%28tumblr%29).



> For my very patient friend Katy, who prompted this back in November 2013 before I got super busy.

It wasn't quite ten years later, but it was long enough that Earth was beginning to recover. They hadn't moved anyplace else, because how could they? Heroes were in high demand right here, and there was a sudden, terrifying amount of vacant space on a planet that had once been overcrowded. A few brave souls went back out to the colonies to salvage, to rebuild, but not them.

Zaeed had always liked Earth best anyway, at least it was the best human option for what was left around. He'd worried that after her childhood here Shepard wouldn't want to settle down here, but it never came up. There were always other places and opportunities to leave on a ship headed pretty much anywhere else, but they stayed and made a home in Biarritz. Living near the beach was his idea, but Shepard agreed. This part of France was still beautiful, though it bore scars just like every other place. 

There were lots of krogan and asari babies in the galaxy now, and humans were beginning to repopulate after a few years of declining numbers. Times had been hard for every citizen of the galaxy, but there was a lot more helping than there was before. On the few times when he decided to venture out into the crowds in the cities, he saw alien faces on Earth, like dots mixed in with the humans. Some never went back after the fighting ended and others came to help rebuild. Krogan builders were a common sight, because they knew how to make buildings that could last. Turians were rare since Palaven was in worse shape than Earth, but they were around from time to time, mostly working with the military in various aspects.

Shepard never went with Zaeed into the cities unless she had business there. For all that she'd wandered around the galaxy, when they were confined to Earth she liked to spend time at home, rather than be out in the masses. He didn't mind it at all, hell it had been so long since Zaeed had a permanent place to call home that he forgot how it felt, how having a place to come back to that was yours made you feel. Soldiers didn't get that luxury, and he'd been one for most of his life, even after leaving the Alliance.

Their house, their place - it was a marvel. Shepard didn't like to go out much anymore, but she'd never been one for people. Her health and comfort were more important to Zaeed than anything, and he'd picked out the best in protections when he built this place. The result was a resort-like fortress that would have seemed unduly lavish if the whole of Earth wasn't being rebuilt in the same way. It was theirs, and while he liked to shoot down camera drones, they also had the ability to just scramble any surveillance equipment in range.

It had been years since the fighting ended, years since she'd been discovered in a pile of rubble that used to be part of one of earth's greatest cities. It was a promise he'd made without knowing it was a promise at the time. Win the war, then escape to a place with a lot of alcohol and no interruptions. They'd accomplished both.

Besides all the things he put into to it to make sure another clone or Reaper or whatever the fuck else could be thrown at them wouldn't have a chance to get at Shepard, it was a comfortable place too. It was one of the most fucking plush places he'd ever seen, let alone lived in. Apparently being raised in a gang and going into the navy gave Mia an appreciation for the luxuries of life, and there were a good many people willing to just give her things.

Artwork hung on their walls, large and strange pieces that neither one of them fully understood but enjoyed. Their bed was always covered in asari silk sheets, because some Ardat-Yakshi that Shepard saved found out she liked them and sent new ones whenever they had the chance. They had twelve sets so far, hand made that would have cost well over ten thousand credits for each set alone. The volus who he'd nearly killed, Din Korlack, he got some of his friends to gift them kitchen appliances of all things, ones that were so state of the art that they even cleaned themselves. Gifts of all kinds always came for her, and sometimes even for him, more than they could handle really, until Admiral Hackett asked that people send them to the relief efforts instead. Still, loads of shit found its way to Shepard and she picked out the best of the spoils.

His favorite were the guns, but he enjoyed all the rest of the luxuries plenty. They had an armory so stuffed full of the things even Garrus gave an appreciative whistle last time he'd visited. He said it looked like the turian military storehouse, but fuller. They tested weapons, mods and ammo down in their shooting range, one of the few places where Mia actually relaxed from time to time. Apart from shooting, Mia liked the swimming pool but Zaeed could take or leave it, they ran on the beach and they both cooked a lot. It had been hard at first, trying to make a life when they were so used to fighting. There was always another mission, another bounty or enemy waiting around for them, but Mia's long recovery after the war ended all of that. They'd had to find a way to forge lives outside of the line of fire.

#####

Most days they were fine. Shepard liked to keep up with her contacts, read books and play games. He went through their mail, checked the defense system and made lunch for them. It was easy between them, and months passed into years without too much effort on their part.

Melancholy often threatened her these days, as it never had on the Normandy. She retreated into herself at times, starting at Zaeed's touch whenever he tried to bring her back. They learned the hard way that bringing Mia back didn't include trips out of their little sanctum, because people and cameras dogged them alike and Hackett always found a way to squeeze in just one thing to do, as a favor to him.

When her eyes take too long to focus on him, or she pulls away from his touch, Zaeed knows that it isn't a good day for her. Hell, he has his own spells, times when he relives the shittiest part of battle on a loop in his head, remembered gunfire louder than anything in the present. But for him what's done is done. Lives were lost but not his. He has to keep going on, it's all he knows how to do and he's too fucking stubborn to die. Whatever she sees in her fugues aren't like his. Part of her vanishes, and while she's able to smile and walk and talk, something is missing, a vacancy behind her eyes. It isn't Shepard that Zaeed worries about, it's Mia. 

She forgets herself, as the galaxy continues to demand its savior. It comes after she's been in large crowds, the noise and the action too reminiscent of a place she's fought before. Sometimes it's after too long isolated, the doubts begin to creep in and make her untouchable, even for him. She is flame encased inside of a diamond, unreachable, unquenchable heat in an impenetrable shell until she isn't, she's liquid fire all over him, just for him.

He wants to fuck her until they can't speak or think, until they're both incoherent and too spent to do more than fall asleep tangled in the sheets. That's what he wants, but that morning Mia's far away from him, in her own world of regrets and heartache. He'd like that everyday, to be truthful, because each day he has to remind himself that his vengeful heart and this harsh galaxy now have peace because of Mia Shepard.

It's a bright day when the sunshine seemed to radiate from the high white walls that surrounded their white stucco villa. Mia went outside for a swim that morning, but he fails to hear the any splashes or the sound of her in the water at all. Zaeed catches her with that look on her face, watching her through the window as he tried to figure out what to make for lunch. Mia wore the wistful, guilty look of a woman that didn't sleep enough and walked with a limp but still wished she could have done more and been less, if that was even possible.

He was afraid that she was forgetting the truth; that she was, and always had been only human, and probably the most extraordinary one the galaxy had ever seen. Words were useless in this instance, as they always had been, as they were for him when he felt nothing but the weight of the past on him. At the insistence of the Alliance therapist, they both kept journals, though his was usually a recollection of half-remembered dreams and recipes he wanted to try. Zaeed was sure that Shepard's was more involved, since she spent a good amount of time writing in it after she had an episode of trouble. He hadn't seen what she'd seen, and the times when she explained her dreams to him made him wish she hadn't seen it either.

What's done is done, for whatever fucking good it does them. He watched her out of the window and she didn't move to get back into the water. She'd sit out there all day if he didn't go and get her, but he also knew that bringing her inside without a plan to help her feel better was fucking stupid. If any of her friends were nearby, he might call them for dinner and get some help drawing her out of herself, but they'd just seen Jack on the news recruiting for her school and Garrus was back on Palaven. A quick check of the Alliance sponsored site for Alenko told Zaeed that he was off-world too, out lending support to the colonies. Zaeed smirked to himself as he downloaded the 'complimentary' calendar of Kaidan, knowing that he and Shepard would get a chuckle out of it later. With Shepard's reluctance and near seclusion these days, Alenko was the focus of a lot of attention. Attention that had apparently warranted a sixteen month calendar with a new photo of him each month and three bonus photos.

Shirtless pictures of Alenko didn't help solve his immediate problem however, and Zaeed was faced with a blank-eyed woman who needed to be reminded of the positive part of living. Action would help, and he resolved to get her into the pool. Setting the plans for lunch aside, he pulled open the sliding door and out into the heat of the day.

Annoyance bit at him as he closed the glass door behind him. She'd left the barrier down again, though the rest of the defenses were active. The barrier was more for privacy than a true kinetic defense but Mia didn't like it because it filtered the sunlight and made it a cool blue when it should be white hot and glorious. When she swam she liked to leave it down, unless they were swimming at night. Swiveling his neck to look up into the bright midday sky Zaeed looked around carefully but there were no camera drones nearby that he could see. He put the barrier up anyway, watching it crackle into existence after the generators spun up and cast its blue glow. Mia was sitting poolside but didn't notice, she just kept staring off into the distance oblivious to anything around her.

The swimming pool wasn't his thing, he didn't like getting wet for no reason, but it had been her salvation. When he brought her here for the first time, she was still too weak to walk on her own for very long. Her leg muscles atrophied in recovery as they worked on saving other parts of her body. Another fucking therapist had come and helped her ease strength back into her injured body until she was strong enough to do it on her own. Too bad the mental exercises didn't have muscles and strength to show the mark of their improvement like the physical exercises did. The exercises she'd carried on with, but swam laps to calm her mind. Zaeed only swam to be near her wet, mostly naked body.

She was still where he'd spotted her earlier just sitting on a raffia chaise with her face turned away. The navy blue two piece swimsuit she wore looked almost black under the blue light of the barrier, dark against bronze skin lined with scars from a life spent fighting. Ink covers her skin too, a small souvenir of the Reds near the base of her spine, an N7 near her ankle, and his name on the soft skin on her right side, partially obscured by the strap of her bikini top. Dogtags hung in the valley between her breasts, she never took them off. After all these years, she remained Commander Shepard, just in case.

Zaeed walked over to her without gaining her attention, distracted as she was. Her hair was nearly dry, it hangs in long, dark waves threaded with silver past her shoulders. At least she had been in the water at one point, if her hair was drying. Every year she says she's going to cut it, but instead lets it grow longer in defiance of the Alliance regulation. She's half in and half out, no longer their soldier but still Shepard.

"Sweetheart." He stands over her so she couldn't miss him, though her brown eyes never flick up to meet his. "Race?" He gestures at the pool.

Mia looked at him absently, processing his words with a confused look for a moment before she follows his outstretched palm to the pool. "Alright." She said, her eyes finally registering him but still mostly elsewhere.

He strips down and jumps in after her gentle splash into the water. He's not trying to win, he can't compete with her, not even after all her injuries. Despite that, he does win the first race, and when he swims up to the other side of the pool and waits for her, Mia again looks confused at her loss. They race back, and she wins this time, her focus coming back to her. Mia won a third and final race with ease, her concentration back in the present. They swim more easily after that, lazy strokes in the warm saltwater that turns into him splashing her and trying to scamper away. She always catches him, but her retribution is short lived. 

When she catches him a final time and he pulls her into a swift kiss, Shepard finally notices his lack of swimwear. Probably because it was the first time she'd gotten so close underwater, and she can't help but notice. The races had their intended effect, bringing her back to something more present, the self she was threatening to lose in memory. Action, even the smallest bit can be a hell of a reminder. 

"Oh, I didn't know we were skinny dipping." She said once they'd pulled apart, then reached back to undo the ties of her top.

"If you're going to do that, come out of the fucking water." He wouldn't exactly say he loathed sex in the saltwater pool, since that never seemed to stop them, but he wasn't going to get back in if he could get Mia out. To further his point, he hoisted himself out of the water and headed over to the outdoor shower. He hit the button on the concrete wall and let the warm water wash over him. He turned, waiting to see what she did, but instead of beckoning him back over she too waits.

He rinses off the saltwater while Mia watched him, and he pretended to ignore her smile. When he finished a second rinse, careful to get the salt from his hair and face, she'd already made her way over to him.

"You didn't seem to want to go back in, so I came out." She said softly. Mia moved into the shower with him and he let her under the bulk of the spray, since she was in need of it more than he. "Did you know to pull me back?" She asked.

Zaeed nodded at her and she put her hand on his arm. A fingernail traced the outline of the pattern inked in black across his skin until she was able to look up again. "I love you." She said as a thanks, and for some reason the purity of it made his throat catch. 

"Then take off your fucking clothes already." He replied a beat too late to be conversational, but Shepard laughed. He moved just in time to get away from her swatting hand, and let her fully occupy the shower space.

She obliged him, and he went to rest on her chaise as she briefly showered the brine away. Mia walked over and got back on the chair, straddling above him sans swimsuit. 

"You okay?" Zaeed asked, reaching up to stroke her face with a hand. Her hair was hanging down, wet, dripping on him, but he didn't mind. She nodded into his palm, sliding her face to kiss the inside of his hand before he moved it down to skim over her shoulder.

He pulled her down into a hug, awkward limbs righting themselves as their bodies connected. A hand carded through her hair, pushing it away to drip over the side of the chair. Her kiss started out feathering his jaw, but neither of them had it in them to tease for long. Zaeed kissed her, fingers tweaking at her water-kissed nipples, his tongue coaxing hers to give as good as she got. Mia never disappointed. When she moved her leg up and over him deliberately, positioning herself in just the right way without taking him inside of her, he could feel her heat. There was no chance of her forgetting herself right now, of slipping away from him and into some dark abyss. Her brown eyes were half closed, but out of desire and not sadness. When he slid home easily a few moments later, they both sighed. Mia looked down into his eyes. He often wondered what she saw when she looked at him, but not in that moment.

"Sweetheart. Fuck. Mia." He managed to get out those few fragments through gritted teeth, speaking more to himself than to her. She smiled, then rocked back, her grin widening at his moan. 

Zaeed loved nothing more than to watch her, because when they fucked, she was glorious. For all his gruffness, for every instance of tough love, they never had trouble expressing themselves physically. It was because his kisses could contain a poetry he couldn't quite put into words, and Shepard's touch could be softer than she could ever make her voice. They were purer this way, the affection between the two of them clearer. He went slow at first, savoring the feeling of each slow, shallow thrust inside of her until she decided she wanted more.

"C'mon Zaeed." Shepard panted at him. "Stop making me wait for it." He just laughed at her. He'd felt her impatience with him, the press of her heels into the sides of his thighs, the feeling of her tightening around his cock. Just to tease, he gave her a few more infuriatingly slow thrusts before he put his hands on her hips, giving her license to move faster.

It wasn't hours, but he still gave her a good ride. Zaeed watched her as she arched her back and leaned, so that he had to stretch himself to keep his hands on her, and the ends of her hair brushed over his skin every so often. She nearly toppled when she moved too fast, but he held her on him, but Mia was too intent to be deterred from their course. With one movement, she brought herself close rather than far, and her breasts and face were in kissing range once again. He made good use of his proximity, pressing hard into her with every stroke, his lips over her skin, a hand roughly teasing a nipple until the combination of it set them both alight, and his end came with a growl that originated in the soles of his feet and ripped through him like a shudder.

The sun beat down on them and Zaeed could feel the prickling heat of it on his legs as he caught his breath. Outside was as warm and bright as ever, so much that it almost blinded him when he opened his eyes. Mia rose up and blocked the sun from blinding him temporarily and extended her hand.

Shepard pulled Zaeed inside the house, because even with the filter and barrier, the sun shone down too hot in the midday to have a decent post-coital nap outside. Instead he got back in the bed with her, bare skin against those silk sheets and held her.

When her hand slid down his chest and he looked down to meet her eyes, he could see Mia was right there with him. Her thoughts mirrored his in no place but the present, right in that bed, just the two of them. No ghosts allowed.

His kisses dotted her jaw, lips and neck, but they weren't in a hurry. 

"Again?" Shepard asked, but Zaeed shook his head. 

"Not yet for me, but I still have plenty of energy for you, love." He replied, his voice full of the affectionate gruffness that it always held whenever he was expressing himself to her. It was as if the honesty made his throat as raw as it made his soul feel to say the words, yet he always got her in return, her smiles and trust and love, so it was never as though he risked much. Still his heart slammed in his chest just the same, and Zaeed cursed in his mind while Mia eased a hand around his neck.

He looked down at her smile, letting the sight of it erase his unease. "Order me around, sweetheart." He laughed at look of indignation Mia shot him, but she answered. 

With her eyes closed she said, "Make me beg." Zaeed smiled wickedly, though he knew she wasn't going to open her eyes to see it. He loved this command, because it always ended up the same, and every path there was enjoyable. Shepard gave it often, but whether it was because she liked giving up control or the way he interpreted her order, he wasn't sure. It was probably more of the latter, he suspected, but a bit of both.

"If you insist." He replied, his mouth already halfway to her skin to press a kiss to her collarbone. When his tongue slid up her neck he felt the flutter of her pulse underneath it, the gentle ebb and flow of her life that sped up as his touch excited her.

Zaeed loved Mia. He would bring her back to him as many times as she needed and a hundred times more. With that thought in his head, he descended from neck to shoulder, nipping at the soft spot between. Then he proceeded to work, to kiss Mia until he could see her toes curling against the sheets, to tease his rough hands over her soft skin and lick all her favorite parts until her breath grew ragged and he made her incoherent. He worked like an artist with oils, carefully and patiently, until Mia was limp as a rung out rag and he was sure that he could achieve no more victory than he had already. 

When she awoke he was already awake, though he hadn't left the bed. They were both tired, but he didn't sleep as she had. Whatever had been going on in her mind earlier needed time to fade away, and the sleep of exhaustion did wonders for that. Zaeed slept a little then read. checking on her to make sure nightmares didn't come and undo all of his work. They didn't but Mia didn't sleep for very long, just deeply. She woke not long after he did. The grumbling of her stomach gave her away, and Zaeed laughed as Mia scowled at him.

"I don't remember if I had breakfast." She said, giving him a hard look.

"You did, but not enough for what we've been doing. Swimming and screwing can take a lot out of you."

Mia laughed and put on a robe as she went to the kitchen. He followed after he'd put clothes on. The climate control in the house was fine enough, but he preferred something over his skin if he was going to finish the lunch he'd planned on making. When Zaeed got there, Shepard's ass was hanging out of the fridge as she searched the contents. A box of energy bars sat on the counter and he fished one out to hand her so he could get back to the potatoes he'd been planning to cook earlier. Mia leaned against the counter and watched as he set back to work on the lunch that never was.

"Oh hey, Kaidan's coming back from his colonial tour soon. I thought we could have him over for dinner." She smiled at him with granola crumbs around her mouth. "You can show off some of your new recipes. I liked that cheesy thing you made last week." Zaeed raised an eyebrow at her, but kept to his work, busy chopping up onions to go with the potatoes. "You know the thing. I don't remember what you called it."

"Anything you want." He said. "Oh and if Alenko's coming through, you might want to see what I found earlier." Zaeed said, motioning for her to pick up the datapad he'd abandoned to go outside and swim, the one with the calendar on it. Mia's laughter echoed throughout the house as she looked at the calendar. There was no danger of her forgetting herself any longer, not that day.


End file.
